


Take This Sinking Boat and Point It Home

by goodgirlfaith (boomersoonerash)



Series: Bite Sized Fics [24]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Actor Louis, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Big Spoon Louis, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Break Up, California, Childhood Friends, Christmas Party, Coming Out, Community: comment_fic, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fan Soundtracks, Fanmix, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Happy Ending, Jealous Louis, LGBTQ Themes, Little Spoon Harry, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Slash, Mistletoe, Oral Sex, Pining, Prompt Fill, Secret Crush, Slash, Tattooed Harry, Tattooed Louis, Tattoos, Top Louis, Underage Sex, Wedding Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-14 14:23:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7175519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/goodgirlfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Louis Proposes to Harry and the one time he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. December 2009

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tigriswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/gifts).



> This was written for the prompt: RPF, Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles, 5 times one of them has proposed to each other (and the answer is yes, of course, always)
> 
> Title is from the song Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. It's such a pretty song and was my ex-girlfriend and I's song.
> 
> Idk why but this story decided to get a bit long so I have decided to cut it into parts. Hopefully I can get the next part written and posted soon. If you like it then kudos or comment. You can also talk to me at my tumblr wendydarlingfics.tumblr.com
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with One Direction. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You'll find a new best friend though," Harry mused as he frowned slightly. "Then you'll forget all about me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> December 2009

Harry sat with Louis outside his house as Louis' parents annual Christmas Eve party went on inside. A party that Harry had been attending for as long as he could remember thanks to being neighbors with the Tomlinson's. 

"So what's it like being eighteen?" Harry asked as he broke the silence that had settled between him and Louis and after he had asked his question he watched as Louis turned to face him and it was apparent from the look on his face that he had been lost in his thoughts.

Louis laughed softly as he shook his head, "Feels the same as when I was seventeen," he answered as he shrugged before laying his head on Harry's shoulder. "Though I just realized today that this time next year I'll probably be coming back from college and all."

Harry fell silent at that comment, mainly because he didn't like to think that Louis would be leaving him next year more than likely to go to some out of state college. Probably California because Louis wanted to be an actor and while Harry was happy that Louis would probably follow his dreams, Harry still didn't like the thought of being left behind, of losing his best friend.

"You nervous about going away eventually?" Harry asked as he let his hand rest on Louis' thigh gently. 

"Nah," Louis spoke softly. "I think I'll be happy getting away from Tennessee for awhile," he admitted and again his words sort of hurt Harry. "It'll suck leaving my sisters and my mom but I think it'll be good for me because there isn't much for me here in this small town."

"You'll find a new best friend though," Harry mused as he frowned slightly. "Then you'll forget all about me."

Louis lifted his head from Harry's shoulder as he studied him carefully and Harry blushed as he did so. Feeling like Louis was judging him for being so silly and yes, Harry knew he was being silly. He was fifteen and full of a lot of emotions over the possibility of losing the one person who well was the closest to him minus his sister Gemma.

"You really think that?" Louis asked sounding a bit hurt. "That I'd just forget you," he stated as if the words even pained him to think about and when Harry shook his head yes, he watched as Louis' frown mirrored the one he had on his own face. "I'd never forget you Harry," he finally said through a sigh. "I might make new friends but I'm never going to forget the first friend I ever made."

Harry looked away from Louis as he felt a blush grow on his cheeks, "You promise?" he asked him as he finally looked back up, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I promise H," Louis nodded his head as his frown soon disappeared, a smile replacing it. "Just marry me Harry," he said with such clarity and Harry swore his eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"What?" Harry asked feeling a bit confused by Louis' words because there was no way Louis had just asked him to marry him. Louis wasn't even gay if his relationship with Hannah was anything to go by.

"I said just marry me Harry," Louis repeated as he nudged Harry on the shoulder playfully. "That way I'll never forget you, because we'll be engaged to be married."

Harry rolled his eyes as a laugh finally escaped him for the first time since talking about Louis leaving. "Yes, of course, always," he said as he nodded his head maybe too eagerly for a fifteen year old boy. But well the prospect of marrying Louis wasn't too bad.

Louis was after all his best friend and despite Louis being straight Harry did have a massive crush on him, though of course Louis didn't know it and probably never would.

"You better have meant your words there H," Louis said as his smile grew into a grin. "Because one day you're going to be my husband. You accepted my marriage proposal, on my birthday of all days."

Harry again rolled his eyes but he returned Louis' grin, swearing that Louis grinning could always make him smile or grin and feel better because Louis was a bit like the actual sun or something.

"Don't think Hannah would like it too much if you married me," Harry mused knowing from what he had heard from Hannah and her friends Hannah was already planning a wedding with Louis even if they had only been together for two months. "Pretty sure she wants to be Mrs. Louis Tomlinson one day. She might object to me being Mr. Louis Tomlinson."

Louis shrugged his shoulders as his face changed to one Harry couldn't quiet read. "I think it's much too soon to even be thinking of marriage with her," he finally spoke as his smile returned though it didn't really reach his eyes like most of his smiles did. "I don't think she's my one though."

"Your one?" Harry asked as he moved his hand from Louis' thigh. 

"The one I'm going to marry silly," Louis answered playfully as he again nudged Harry. "The person who knows me better than anyone else and who I'll be content to spend forever with."

Harry pursed his lips together at that, "Guess it's a good thing I said yes to your marriage proposal than huh?" he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Think I know you better than you know yourself sometimes and you said just yesterday that you'd be content living with me and numerous pets in a mansion out in California."

"Guess it is Curly," Louis nodded his head in agreement as he used the nickname he had given Harry in middle school. "You're my person," he said and god how Harry wanted to believe him but well his rational brain knew he wasn't. Knew Louis was only kidding.

"And you're my person too, Lou," Harry smiled as he leaned in to kiss Louis on the cheek. "Now that we have that settled though, can we go back inside? It's getting kind of cold out here."

Louis laughed at that but he stood up, holding his hand out to Harry once he was up and Harry took a hold of his hand, pulling himself up. "Wouldn't want my person to freeze to death," Louis said once they were both standing. "That would make me such a terrible soon to be future husband and I'm pretty sure Anne would kill me."

"My mom would never kill you," Harry shook his head as he denied Louis' claims. "She loves you too much, sometimes I think she loves you more than me."

"That may be the case," Louis nodded as he let go of Harry's hand as he walked to the door. "But that could change if I let her baby freeze to death."

Harry just gave Louis a smile as he followed Louis to the door, "You'd never let me freeze though. I'm your person and you love me too much."

Louis seemed to pause at that as they both reached the door. "Yeah, I do kind of love you too much Harry," he finally said and well he didn't sound like he was joking or being playful. He actually sounded honest and that made a bunch of nerves build in Harry's stomach but of course Harry didn't question Louis on it.

He didn't think it was the time and he honestly didn't know when that time would be. So instead Harry remained silent, watching as Louis opened the door and they headed inside, though they both came to a stop once they made it to the entry way of the living room.

"You do know we're kind of standing under the mistletoe right?" Louis asked as he leaned into Harry so that only Harry could hear his words. "We should probably move or someone's going to want us to kiss."

Harry shrugged at Louis' words, "Or we could just kiss," he suggested as he smirked slightly when Louis looked at him.

It was a suggestion he expected Louis to turn down but when Louis leaned in closer to him Harry had almost resigned himself to the fact that Louis would probably only kiss his cheek so of course he was a bit surprised when he felt Louis' lips on his own in what was a quick and chaste kiss. A kiss that was also Harry's first kiss and one that had made the bundle of nerves from earlier a bit worse, especially when he had liked it even if it was no romantic movie kind of kiss.

"Merry Christmas Harry," Louis spoke as he pulled away from Harry, a smile on his face and at least this one finally reached his eyes.

"Merry Christmas Louis," Harry replied as he returned Louis' smile though his was more shy and he was sure he had a blush on his cheeks now and it was all thanks to one simple little kiss that in the end had probably not meant all that much to Louis but had somehow in the end meant the world to Harry.

Which probably meant that somehow Harry was screwed in the end. He was screwed and it was all Louis' fault.

"Think I am going to go find Hannah now," Louis said as he interrupted Harry's thoughts and Harry was sure the smile that he had disappeared quickly. "Promised her a make-out session before her and her parents head out to Georgia and visit relatives tomorrow."

Harry just nodded his head, not making a sound as he watched Louis walk away from him, going to find the girl that he was dating and Harry did his best to ignore the way his heart felt but he couldn't. Just like he couldn't ignore the way he felt for Louis either.

"I love you Louis," he finally whispered to himself once Louis was out of site and a frown worked back onto Harry's lips again. This time though it wasn't because Louis was going to be leaving for college next year but because Louis would never return the feelings that Harry had for him.

Feelings that up until tonight Harry had always assumed where just a crush and yet unknowingly had changed from just a crush to him being in love with a best friend who was straight.


	2. July 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Don't leave me hanging with your answer."

July 2010

"I can't believe she broke up with me the day before I fucking leave for college," Louis muttered out as he plopped down beside Harry on his bed, a frown plastering his lips. "I..fuck."

Harry laughed slightly at Louis' words though the minute Louis turned to glare at him he stopped, making his face go back to a neutral expression even if he found Louis' reaction to the situation funny.

"Don't laugh at my grief," Louis reprimanded as he kept his glare, though Harry saw a hint of playfulness in his eyes. "My hearts broken here. I lost my first girlfriend today and I'm leaving for college tomorrow and everything's just coming at me all at once."

"Or you've just had too much alcohol," Harry mused as he shrugged his shoulders. "I mean we drank more than we usually do," he added on, referring to the fact that just an hour ago they had drank with Gemma and her boyfriend before the two had left for some party. "It's the only way I can see why you are upset over the whole Hannah thing when you said last week that you weren't even sure you loved her."

Louis sighed at that as he laid down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, "I know what I said but still," he whined a bit softly. "Maybe she should have just waited until the first time I came home from break to dump me."

"Because that would have been better?" Harry asked as he moved to lay down beside Louis though Louis didn't turn to face him. 

"Well no," Louis answered as he shook his head. "Why are you so wise when you're drunk Styles?"

Harry laughed again and his laugh finally made Louis look at him. "Because I'm not that drunk," he confessed as his cheeks heated up and he knew he was blushing under Louis' gaze. "Only had one drink."

"Harold Styles, you hussy," Louis chided playfully as he laughed finally. "Here I thought you were a bit more tipsy like me and it turns out you only had one drink while I had three."

"Like I said you're drunk speaking when it comes to Hannah," Harry reminded him with a grin and he was thankful when Louis didn't glare. "You don't love her and she was your first girlfriend. First relationships usually never last Lou."

Louis went silent at that, biting on his lip as he obviously got lost in some of his thoughts and Harry couldn't help but wonder if they were bad thoughts or good ones.

"I know," Louis finally spoke, acknowledging what Harry had said about first relationships not lasting. "And you're right H, the alcohol is talking for me," he smiled as inched a bit closer to Harry. "So, how about marrying me huh?" he asked as he let his arm drape across Harry's waist and Harry felt butterflies set off in his stomach. "I'm drunk proposing to you right here on the spot."

Harry locked eyes with Louis, fighting off the urge to tell him that this fake proposing thing was kind of dumb, especially since he had already done it on Christmas Eve as well but of course he didn't because well a part of him kind of liked it and a part of him wanted to pretend that maybe Louis was actually really proposing or would really propose one day.

But then again Harry was now sixteen and still very naive and still very much crushing on Louis who was still clueless.

"Come on now, babe," Louis muttered as he leaned in to leave a chaste peck on Harry's lips. "Don't leave me hanging with your answer."

Harry just stared at Louis still, a bit taken aback by the chaste peck on the lips but he ignored the butterflies and the need to talk deeper as he finally opened his mouth to reply to Louis. "Yes, of course, always," he answered in the same way he had on Christmas Eve and well his words he knew where true.

If Louis ever really asked him and meant it, Harry would marry him in a heartbeat. But he wasn't naive enough to believe that would ever happen. Not when Louis clearly wasn't gay.

After he had spoken Harry watched as a grin appeared on Louis' lips and he leaned in again, kissing him. Though this time it was not chaste nor was it a peck.

Louis was full on kissing him and he was rendered helpless because he hadn't been expecting it even if he had wanted a longer kiss from Louis ever since that tiny kiss on Christmas Eve.

When Louis finally pulled away from the kiss, Harry just looked at him, blinking a few times before speaking. 

"What was that for?" Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow questioningly not sure if it was best to question what had just happened but he was going to anyway.

Louis shrugged his shoulders, "Isn't that how people celebrate being engaged?" he asked as he stayed close to Harry, his forehead resting against Harry's. "By kissing and all."

"Well, yeah but we're not really engaged," Harry corrected him as he tried to avoid making eye contact. "You asked me as a joke just like you asked me on Christmas Eve as a joke and so we probably shouldn't kiss Lou."

"I liked kissing you though," Louis admitted which finally made Harry make eye contact with him. "Liked the feeling of your lips against mine even if you didn't kiss back which was quiet rude of you by the way."

Swallowing hard at Louis' words, Harry had to fight the urge to just go all fond face over Louis. "You're just speaking drunk again," he said trying to do his best to not show that Louis' words had affected him. Gotten to him and made the butterflies that had been in his stomach for awhile now worse.

"Maybe so," Louis replied back with a smirk. "But at least it isn't about the ex-girlfriend. It's about how much I liked kissing you," he said as he licked his lips slowly. "I'm going to kiss you again too and this time you better kiss me back."

Harry had opened his mouth, about to protest that it would be wrong of Louis to kiss him again but before any words could come out Louis' lips were on his own and Harry just let out a tiny sigh as he finally kissed him back. Deciding that he didn't see the effort in arguing with Louis, not when Louis wasn't sober.

Closing his eyes as the kiss progressed Harry let himself enjoy it finally, mainly because he wasn't sure when it would end or when Louis would do it again or even if he'd do it again and Harry did kind of like the kiss. Even if he was probably really crappy at it since it was still new to him.

He hadn't kissed anyone since Louis had kissed him on Christmas Eve so he was still new to this whole thing and from the way Louis was kissing him Harry knew he wasn't. He had probably kissed and made out with Hannah numerous times and well that was a fact that Harry didn't want to think of really.

Not when Louis' lips were pressed against his own right now.

Letting out a tiny moan as Louis' lips trailed from his own and down to his neck, Harry let his eyes fall shut as he titled his head to the side as Louis' lips seemed to make a home there for the time being. Kissing and sucking on the skin and Harry was almost positive that he'd have his first love bites thanks to Louis.

"Fuck Harry," Louis moaned out as well on Harry's skin and when Louis' breath hit Harry's flesh it created goosebumps on his arms. "I'm getting really turned on just from kissing you," he muttered before pushing his hips forward and sure enough Harry could feel Louis' half hard cock through the material of his jeans.

Feeling his cheeks starting to get hot Harry moved away from Louis finally, almost feeling as if some sense had been knocked into him with that information. Louis had gotten turned on just from kissing him and Louis was supposed to be straight, probably still was somehow and the stuff that was happening right now shouldn't have been happening at all.

He really needed to put an end to it before things went too far. Before they crossed a line they couldn't come back from.

"I think maybe we should stop now," Harry spoke as he voiced his thoughts out loud. "You..you don't want me. Not like that."

Louis furrowed his eyebrows after Harry had spoken. "Pretty sure I do," he said as he again moved his hips into Harry. "I think the erection speaks for itself, babe."

Closing his eyes at Louis' action as well as Louis calling him babe, Harry took a deep breath before opening his eyes again. "No, you really don't," he told him as he shook his head. "I'm your best friend and you're not gay. You like girls..girls and not boys. Not me."

At Harry's words, a look passed over Louis' face that Harry hadn't seen much on him. It was a look of disappointment or close to it and Harry wasn't sure why Louis would be disappointed because surely Louis had to see the sense in what Harry was saying.

"I just..I want to be gay for one night Harry," Louis spoke as his voice went soft. "I want to like you for one night and I'm leaving for California tomorrow," he sighed before frowning and it was then that Harry knew he was screwed. Between the disappointed look and the soft voice and now the frown. He was screwed and it was all Louis' fault because Harry hated making him feel bad. Harry hated not giving him what he wanted.

"Just one night?" Harry asked as he searched Louis' eyes for an answer that he wasn't sure he'd find or even what answer he was really looking for.

Louis nodded his head at Harry's words but there was a look in his eyes that Harry couldn't quite read, "Just one night," Louis spoke sounding a bit sad and yet Harry had no clue why he'd be sad.

If Harry was being honest Louis probably wouldn't even want this at all if he were sober right now.

"Just one night," Harry repeated before leaning in to kiss Louis this time, deciding to take control for once even if he was nervous because this was everything he had wanted for so long. Probably since he had realized he was gay and in love with his best friend anyway.

As the kiss progressed Harry let out a moan as he felt Louis' hands coming to rest on his cheek before his tongue was brushing against his lips and Harry opened his mouth, allowing Louis entrance into it.

An action that sent a shiver down Harry's spine as Louis' tongue brushed against his own tongue. 

"God H," Louis muttered into Harry's mouth as he slowly maneuvered his way on top of him. "Want you so fucking bad right now," he said again as he let his hips move down into Harry's and this time Harry could tell he was harder than the last time he had done it.

Pulling away from the kiss Harry looked up into Louis' eye as he felt his heartbeat get a bit faster, "I've never," he admitted as he felt his cheeks getting hotter than they already were.

"Yeah?" Louis asked with what almost looked like a smile and all Harry could do was nod his head. "Me either," Louis said after Harry's head nod, before leaning down to kiss him again.

Kissing Louis back, Harry couldn't help but feel shocked. Shocked that Louis was still a virgin, that he hadn't already lost his virginity to Hannah or something because surely he would have or so Harry had thought up until now anyway.

Closing his eyes as Louis' mouth made it's way down to his neck, Harry felt a shiver run down his spine as Louis' hand found it's way up and under his shirt. His hand slowly brushing the skin he touched and even if it was a slow touch it felt like it was setting Harry's skin on fire in a good way.

Such a good fucking way and Harry wasn't sure he ever wanted to forget that feeling since this was going to be a one time thing. He wanted to bottle up everything that Louis made him feel and kept it in some jar or something, even though he knew that was impossible.

Whining when Louis pulled away he just laid there for a few seconds as Louis pushed his shirt up more and eventually Harry got the hint, moving up slightly so that Louis could lift his shirt off and the moment it was gone Harry laid back on the bed and looked up at Louis feeling a bit naked and exposed even if only his shirt was the only missing article of clothing right now.

"You're so beautiful Harry," Louis smiled as his eyes ran down the length of Harry's chest and yeah Harry was sure if it was possible his blush had probably taken up his whole face by now. "So so beautiful," he muttered before leaning in to leave several light kisses on Harry's chest.

It was a move that had Harry moaning, especially when Louis' lips kept moving farther down south and Harry now could feel his own erection getting worse as his pants got tighter on him.

"Fuck Lou," Harry cursed as he felt Louis let his tongue come out when he made it to Harry's stomach. "Just..that feels really good," he sighed as his head fell back into the bed some more as Louis let his tongue run down to the waistband of his jeans and then back up a bit as if he was teasing Harry and he probably was.

Louis did like to tease him anyway so of course he'd tease him when things got sexual too.

Feeling Louis move up slightly, Harry looked down watching as Louis undid his jeans and the moment Louis began to move them down Harry lifted up to help him, feeling even more naked and exposed when he was only left in his boxer briefs.

"You know," Harry started which caused Louis to look at him. "I'm feeling entirely too under dressed right now."

Louis laughed at Harry's words, "Don't worry love," he cooed in an affectionate way that made Harry's butterflies do somersaults. "I'll be just as under dressed as you eventually," he spoke as his hands went to the waist band of Harry's boxer briefs and he pushed them down. "Right now is all about you though and making you feel good," he stated before he leaned in and left a tiny kiss on Harry's hip bone before letting his mouth go farther down and again Harry had that feeling like his skin was on fire because of Louis.

"Oh," Harry muttered out once Louis' hand connected with his cock and Harry's eyes once again fell shut, his hips lifting up into the touch slightly as Louis began to pump his hand up and down his hard length and behind his shut eyes Harry swore he was seeing stars already.

Stars and fireworks and they were all because of Louis. Louis, his best friend who he thought was straight. Louis, the boy he thought would never want this with him even for one night.

"You like this Harold?" Louis asked but before Harry could respond Louis' hand was replaced by his mouth and all form of coherent words left Harry and all he could do was moan loudly and thank his lucky stars that Gemma was out with her boyfriend and that his parents were gone for the weekend.

Feeling his eyes shut tighter as Louis' mouth began to move on him, the stars and fireworks Harry had been seeing before seemed to grow more intense and more colorful too.

"L...Lou," Harry muttered out finally as he opened his eyes long enough to guide his hand down to Louis' hair which he tugged on softly. "This feels so so good," he spoke surprising himself with the ability to form words.

Louis though didn't answer him, instead Louis looked up with his eyes and Harry nearly came undone at the sight in them. A mischievous cocky little glint like Louis knew he was making Harry feel good even before Harry had said it and that Louis liked what he was doing.

Pulling on Louis' hair a bit more Harry fell silent again, only making moans when Louis did something he liked. Though right before he reached his edge he felt Louis pull away and he pouted slightly as Louis leaned back over him.

"Don't pout Harold," Louis spoke using his nickname for Harry again. "I'll make you feel good again soon I promise," he smiled as he leaned down to peck Harry's lips. "But I figured it's about time I get as naked as you," he added in after pulling away from the brief kiss.

It was those words that made Harry smile as he locked eyes with Louis and as Louis lifted his shirt up over his head Harry reached out to undo Louis' jeans, pushing them down slightly.

Blushing a bit when Louis looked down at him curiously Harry could only shrug his shoulders, "Just wanted to help with the process and get you naked quicker."

Louis just shook his head before a smile appeared on his lips, "You're so adorable when you're flustered H," he sighed as he shimmied out of his jeans and boxers quickly. "One of the many reasons I love you."

Harry couldn't help but pause as he caught the last words that Louis said and the rational side of Harry knew Louis only loved him as a friend but the side that had a pathetic crush on him, well, it hoped he meant it as more even if that was wishful thinking.

Though luckily he didn't have too long to think about any of that as Louis' mouth made it's way back to his and this time as they kissed, their cocks kept brushing against each other which sent Harry's mind into a tizzy because he wasn't used to the sensation of another cock brushing against his own. Though he wasn't complaining either. He liked it and from the way Louis kept moaning into his mouth every so often Harry was sure that Louis liked it too.

When Louis pulled away from the kiss again, Harry found himself watching as Louis moved his own hand to his lips and as Louis stuck two fingers into his mouth, sucking on them much like he had sucked on Harry's cock earlier, Harry swore it was the hottest thing he had seen and Louis almost looked down right sinful doing that.

Biting his lip slowly when Louis finished sucking on his fingers, Harry shivered as he felt Louis' hand brush across his bare ass.

"This is probably going to hurt a bit love," Louis spoke and before Harry could question what Louis meant he felt a bit of stinging pain as Louis slipped one of the fingers he had been sucking on up inside of Harry and Harry's eyes once again closed though this time it was a bit out of pain.

"If you want me to stop just say so," Louis voiced so soft and sounding like he was genuinely concerned for Harry's well being. "We don't have to do this," he said almost sounding like Harry had when this had first started, but even with the pain Harry wasn't sure he could back out now if he wanted too. He was feeling way too good.

Harry opened his eyes as he looked back up at Louis, "No," he said as he shook his head, letting Louis know he didn't want to stop. "Just be gentle with me and go slow."

Louis nodded his head softly as he began to move his finger in and out of Harry slowly and Harry bit down on his lip as the pain continued though along with the pain came a feeling of arousal and liking what Louis was doing. Liking the new feelings that he was having and experiencing.

"Is this okay?" Louis asked softly as he leaned in to leave a light kiss on Harry's neck. "I'm not hurting you too bad?"

Harry shook his head no and at least he was telling the truth. Because while it did hurt it wasn't the worst feeling, especially since he was also beginning to get some pleasure from it.

After he shook his head though, Harry had to suck in a breath as Louis added his second finger and yeah there was that pain again as the dominant feeling but as Louis once again began to move his fingers the pain subsided slightly again being replaced by arousal and pleasure.

"Love you so much H," Louis spoke into Harry's skin and again Harry wanted to believe that he meant it as more than just a friend. "Never would willingly hurt you, love."

Shivering as Louis' breath hit his skin, Harry let out a bit of a whine as Louis removed his fingers after some time, though the whine died down when Louis lined his cock up with Harry's opening and Harry braced himself as Louis slipped inside.

Closing his eyes again he reached out and gripped onto Louis who stayed still inside of him and for that he was thankful because hell did it hurt but he still didn't want to turn back. Not now.

"I love you H," Louis said again as he kissed Harry's neck once more and again it was soft and comforting and Harry knew that Louis wouldn't hurt him. Not when Louis was treating him like he was glass and like he'd break at the pain.

"I know," Harry stated because yes, he knew Louis loved him. Louis' always loved him as a friend. "You can move now," he told him as he finally opened his eyes again. "Just stay gentle and slow."

Louis moved his head up slightly as he looked down at Harry and again he nodded his head, acknowledging Harry's request to be slow and gentle and again he obeyed it, his thrust in Harry staying slow and gentle, even as Louis let his hand wrap around Harry's cock, getting him off in time with the thrusts.

It was with that, that the pain he was feeling again mixed with pleasure and arousal and before long Harry was muttering Louis' name as he felt like he was falling off the ledge of some cliff as his orgasm hit and the sticky white substance of his come coated both his and Louis' stomachs.

"Fuck Harry," Louis whimpered out as he too eventually reached his end and Harry couldn't help the smirk on his lips as Louis filled him up as he came. Another new feeling and again one that Harry liked.

Just looking up at Louis after that, as they both came down from their highs Harry half wished that Louis meant it when he proposed because Harry would marry Louis in a heartbeat. He'd do it today if he could but he was only sixteen and he knew he couldn't. His parents while they loved Louis wouldn't sign the papers and well while Louis had told him he loved him during their encounter tonight Harry knew deep down Louis had only meant it as a friend.

Catching Louis' eye Harry gave him a tiny smile and when Louis returned the smile Harry felt an ache, though it wasn't a good one. How could it be good when Louis' smile didn't even reach his eyes and it looked a bit strained.

"This was just for tonight," Louis finally spoke as he moved out of Harry slowly and whatever moment they had just shared was gone, Harry was sure of that. "It's probably best we just forget this happened, that way things won't be weird."

Harry nodded his head meekly at Louis' words and he was sure the ache he had felt was now growing because he didn't want to forget that he had, had sex with Louis. That they had lost their virginity to each other.

"Y..yeah," Harry spoke hoping Louis didn't hear the crack in his voice. "Just forget it happened."


	3. August 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "An anchor with a rope?" Harry questioned as he raised an eyebrow.

August 2013

Harry narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked over at Louis, a boy who he hadn't seen in what felt like ages though in the end it had only been months really. Months since Louis had came home for Christmas break but even then Harry hadn't seen much of him, mainly because things between him and Louis hadn't really been the same.

Not since they had, had sex three years ago and then tried to move on and act as if nothing had happened. Something that was a lot easier said than done it seemed.

But here Harry was, in Louis' apartment in California, having taken Louis up on the offer he had extended before leaving Tennessee after his winter break. Telling Harry that if he had wanted he could fly out and see him sometime this summer, especially since Harry was considering moving out to California himself to pursue his passion for music. 

Either California or Nashville one. Harry hadn't quite decided and well if the way Louis was treating him tonight was anything to go by then maybe he'd chose Nashville because then he wouldn't be in the same vicinity as someone who seemed to hate him.

"Is everything okay Lou?" Harry finally asked, his voice coming out a bit harsher than he intended but he really was tired of Louis glaring daggers at him. 

Louis shook his head as he looked at Harry, "Everything is fine Harold, why wouldn't it be?" he asked and his words and his tone proved that something was definitely not fine. "You're here and you brought your fucking boyfriend too," he hissed out as his eyes went to the boy who was sitting on his couch, browsing through his cell phone. "His name is Erik right?"

Harry shook his head at Louis, "Evan, his name is Evan," he stated as he chewed on his bottom lip, getting the sinking feeling that him bringing Evan along was partly why Louis had been in a sour mood all night but part of Louis' offer had been that he could bring a friend and well Harry had wanted to bring the boy he had been dating since March.

"Evan," Louis repeated a bit bitter. "What a lovely name to go with a lovely boy," he said as he forced a smile, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It's going to be nice having you and Evan here for a full month," he said before he stood from the kitchen table where he had been sitting across from Harry. "Now if you don't mind I should probably get in bed. It was a busy day between picking you up and getting things ready for you to get here and I have an audition tomorrow."

Nodding his head, Harry looked away from Louis' gaze, thankful that Louis had at least shown him and Evan around not long after they got here. At least they knew where the guest room was. The room they'd be sleeping in.

"Goodnight Lou," he muttered out as he looked up at Louis, seeing Louis look down at him and he still looked angry but his gaze seemed to soften slightly as he nodded his head in acceptance.

"Goodnight Harold," Louis spoke still sounding tense as he walked away from Harry. "Have fun with Evan tonight."

Rolling his eyes Harry waited until Louis was out of his sight before moving from the kitchen table where he had been sitting, to the couch where Evan was and the moment he got there, he forced his own smile as Evan finally looked up from his phone and over at Harry with a questioning gaze.

"What?" Harry asked as he blushed under Evan's gaze.

Evan laughed softly as he shook his head, "Just wish you had told me your friend had jealousy issues when it came to you."

"Louis doesn't..." Harry started only for Evan to interrupt him.

"Louis does," Evan stated with a nod of his head, his expression turning serious. "I don't know if you noticed but he wasn't particularly nice to me since we arrived. I mean he hasn't been nice to you either but at least he totally hasn't frozen you out. But he only said one word to me the whole time since we've been here and during dinner I was almost afraid he was going to pick up an eating utensil and kill me with it."

Listening to Evan, Harry once again had to look away as his blush grew on his cheeks. He knew what Evan was saying was true but Harry didn't understand why Louis would be jealous. It had been Louis, three years ago who had said sex was just a one time thing. Louis was still straight even. Harry had, had to listen to his dating escapades over winter when they did see each other.

So in the end Harry was baffled why Louis would be jealous. If anything it had always been Harry who was jealous and upset over Louis so this was new and all confusing to Harry who even regardless of being with Evan was still not one hundred percent over Louis.

He'd never be over someone who he had only slept with once and someone who he knew he'd never have a chance with.

"Louis' just weird," Harry finally spoke as he reached out for Evan's arm, pulling it around himself as he snuggled into his boyfriend. "I'm sure he just needs sometime to get used to you," he smiled as he slowly began to trace the tattoo on Evan's arm. 

Evan laughed at that, almost like he didn't believe it but luckily for Harry he seemed to drop the issue. Content with Harry being snuggled up to him and rubbing his arm. "You know," he muttered as he leaned in to press a kiss to Harry's temple. "I think you promised me we'd get a set of matching tattoos while we were out here."

Harry smiled a bit more at Evan's words, "I did," he said remembering the drunken promise he had made Evan a week ago after Evan had been on him to get a tattoo because he'd look hot with one. He had been drunk that night and partly he had just wanted Evan to shut up so he'd agreed to get one but only if it was a matching tattoo and if he was being honest he had expected Evan to be against the idea but of course as was his luck, Evan had been all for it and somehow they had made plans that they'd get a matching tattoo set while out in California.

Which now if Harry was being honest made him nervous but he wasn't going to bring it up so he'd pretend to be happy when inside his brain kept screaming that it could be a bad idea, because what if he and Evan broke up? They were both only nineteen and Harry knew it was wishful thinking, hoping that they'd last and did he really want a remainder of an ex inked on his skin years later after the ex was long gone.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waking the next morning as his alarm went off, Harry opened his eyes as he turned to look at Evan who was still sleeping beside him and as he moved to turn off his alarm, he couldn't help the shake of his head because even after all these months he didn't understand how Evan could sleep so peacefully during an alarm going off.

It was something he had never been able to do and one he knew Louis couldn't either, mainly because Louis was such a worse sleeper than Harry was. Louis was usually up at every little creak and fuck it all Harry knew he probably shouldn't be thinking of Louis right now. Not when he was still naked in bed with his boyfriend.

Shaking his head he slipped out of bed and slipped on his boxers after picking them up from the place that Evan had thrown them last night and once they were on, he left the bedroom, padding down to the kitchen where he began to look around for things to make breakfast with and as he did he couldn't help the smile on his face at how stocked Louis' kitchen seemed to be.

"Just did groceries yesterday morning before I drove to the airport to pick you up," Louis' voice sounded from the kitchen entry way. "I was almost late to the damn airport because I had to put everything up."

Harry couldn't help the smile that graced his lips at Louis' words and he turned to face him briefly, "So you wanted this place to look like you actually ate here?" he asked teasingly knowing Louis probably ate out most nights.

"Or I wanted you to cook for me," Louis replied back obviously in a much better mood than last night. "You always were a good cook from what I remember," he sighed as he walked to where Harry was and he stood beside him. "Remember how you made me a cake on my seventeenth birthday. Wouldn't shut up for a week about how you made it from scratch."

Blushing at Louis' words Harry had to look down as he took in the ingredients in front of him. "What times your audition?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow. "I..I could probably whip up some pancakes for breakfast."

"It's two hours from now," Louis answered as he reached out to push some hair out of Harry's face and it was an action that made Harry shiver because of how intimate it was and how wrong it should probably feel because he was with Evan who was sleeping just down the hall. "You could make pancakes while I shower."

Harry nodded his head at that as he turned to look at Louis again, "I think that sounds like a plan."

Louis seemed to smile at Harry's words before slowly moving in to leave a light kiss on Harry's cheek, "I'm sorry for last night love," he muttered out softly on Harry's skin before walking away and as he walked away Harry was helpless in stopping himself from watching Louis leave.

Just like he was helpless in the butterflies that had formed in his stomach or the way that his skin now felt like it was on fire in a good way from Louis' touch.

"I'm fucked," Harry muttered to himself, knowing he was indeed truly fucked if Louis still had that affect on him and maybe it was wrong to have accepted the invitation to come out here and maybe it was even more wrong to have brought Evan.

But for Evan's sake he'd just have to be strong. Learn how to stop being such a pathetic school boy around Louis and start to be the nineteen year old semi man that he normally was.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the morning in the kitchen, time seemed to go by for Harry as he did his best to ignore feelings he had thought were going away for Louis but that was easier said than done when Louis always seemed to be around, which was of course to be expected.

It was Louis' apartment that he and Evan were staying at but he hadn't expected Louis to be there so much, even if he did work at a tiny coffee shop a few blocks away while also doing some summer courses at the college he went too. It seemed like he still found time to be there for Harry and Evan, especially Evan who it seemed like Louis was trying to be friends with and Harry probably should have been happy because of course he wanted his boyfriend to be friends with his best friend.

But sometimes it almost felt like Louis had an agenda to whatever he was doing. An agenda that Harry was slowly trying to figure out but hadn't figured out just yet.

Shaking his head though as he came out of his thoughts, Harry trudged up the stairs to Louis' apartment, coming back from a much needed jog that helped him clear or his mind some or maybe it really just helped his mind become more cluttered in actuality.

Making it to Louis' apartment, Harry opened the door with the extra key that Louis had given him for times when he and Evan wanted to go out and Louis wasn't home or just so they wouldn't have to knock when he was home and the moment he stepped inside he paused at the site of Louis and Evan on the couch having a friendly conversation.

"Oh there you are Curly," Louis spoke as he turned to look at Harry once Harry had shut the door behind him. "I was just talking to Evan here and told him we need to go out and celebrate tonight."

"Celebrate?" Harry asked as he took off the beanie he had wore, his hand running through his hair which was damp from sweat.

Louis nodded his head as a smile appeared on his lips, a smile that reached his eyes and one that Harry loved because it was as if Louis was the actual sun. "I got the part that I auditioned for last week," he said as he stood from the couch and walked over to Harry. "I got a fucking gig on a TV show as one of the lead characters," he said and god did he sound so happy.

Harry almost couldn't help the smile on his face as he reached out for Louis when Louis made it to where he was, "That's great Lou," he muttered as he pulled him into a hug, his face being smushed into Louis' arms. "It is a definite call for celebrating."

"Knew you'd see it that way Curly," Louis said as he pulled away from the hug. "That's why I told Evan we'd go to this bar that I visit a lot and that you could get some liquid courage in you and finally get that matching tattoo with him, that he wants you to get."

Freezing at Louis' words, Harry was sure his eyes almost popped out of his skull or well they felt like they had, just like he was sure his face had went pale and from the look on Louis' face Louis must have found it amusing just like he took Harry's silence as his key to keep talking.

"So how about you go shower so we can go out, yeah?" Louis asked as he reached out to pat Harry's cheek before smiling though this one was mischievous like he knew he had gotten Harry into something Harry couldn't get out of. "I'm dying to see what tattoos you and the lover boy get."

"Y..yeah," Harry muttered out hoping that neither Louis or Evan had caught the way his voice had cracked nor was he going to stay to find out. Instead he turned quickly and headed down the hall, towards the guest room to get some clothes to change into after his shower as well as trying to ignore the ball of nerves that was growing in the pit of his stomach over the thought of actually following through with the matching tattoo with Evan.

He would of much rather had one with Louis because at least Louis would always be a constant in his life and that thought clearly scared him.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You okay?" Evan asked softly as he stood beside Harry in the tattoo parlor. It was now nearing midnight and Harry was feeling way too sober for what he was about to do and the fear was probably showing. That was probably why Evan had asked how he was.

Turning to look at Evan, Harry nodded his head softly as he did his best to force a smile. "I'm fine," he lied as he went back to looking at the tattoo designs. "It's just really hard picking out what design would be best is all."

"That one is cute," a female voice spoke from the other side of Harry and Harry turned his head to see Eleanor, a girl who had been at the bar Louis had taken them too and one who had clearly known Louis for sometime given how Louis had ran to her the minute they were in the club and Harry hated himself but seeing Louis right now standing so casually with his arm slung around Eleanor's shoulders made him jealous which was one thing he had no right to be.

Harry had a boyfriend and Louis was straight and there was no reason he should be jealous of Eleanor who actually seemed nice, even if she had bad taste in tattoo designs.

"An anchor with a rope?" Harry questioned as he raised an eyebrow. "But it's supposed to be a couples matching tattoo."

Eleanor looked at Harry as if he had two heads after he had spoken and Harry was sure that thanks to that he was blushing. "It still can be," she explained with a shrug of her shoulders. "One of you gets the rope and one of you gets the anchor," she said as she looked at Harry with a smile playing on her lips and yeah, Harry hated her because with a smile like that he could see why Louis loved her.

"That would be cute," Evan finally spoke up as he nudged Harry's shoulder. "I mean sometimes I do feel like you anchor me down so you could be the anchor to my rope."

"No, no, no," Louis stated breaking his silence and making everyone turn to look at him and Harry swore that the way he said no was so persistent. Like he actually had a reason for saying it other than whatever he was about to say. "That's just too dumb," he sighed and Harry knew he was lying, from the way he avoided looking at any of them. "They should just get this," he muttered as he pointed to a design on the page of two hearts. A blue and a pink one. "Get it on your thumbs and be more funny rather than sappy. Sappy is overrated."

Harry fell silent at that as he turned to look at Evan, seeing from the look on Evan's face that he was contemplating both suggestions. The one from Louis and the one from Eleanor and when he finally looked back at Harry, Harry just knew in his gut Evan was going to make him chose.

"Which one do you want to do babe?" Evan asked as he leaned a bit closer to Harry and pecked his lips softly. "I trust you to know which decision is best."

Biting his lip as he looked at Evan skeptically, Harry wasn't sure he did know which decision was best. Not when he didn't even really know if he wanted matching tattoos with Evan. Not when he could so clearly see himself with the anchor tattoo on his wrist and yet it wasn't Evan he saw with the rope. It was Louis because Louis was the only person he wanted to anchor down, even after Louis had unknowingly broke his heart after taking his virginity and playing it off as nothing.

"I....I can't do this," Harry muttered out finally as he looked at Evan briefly before turning on his heels and leaving the tattoo parlor not even sure where the heck he was going but he just needed to be away from everyone and everything and to breath fresh air.

Stopping his movements though when he felt someone grab his wrist, Harry turned surprised to find that Louis had followed him out of the tattoo parlor and a ways down the street.

"You didn't have too come after me Lou," Harry told him as he frowned before moving his wrist out of Louis' grasp. 

Louis rolled his eyes slightly, "How else are you going to get home, love?" he asked and Harry wanted to laugh at Louis calling his apartment home because it wasn't Harry's home. Nowhere that Louis lived would ever be his home.

"Could have called a cab," Harry answered as he raised an eyebrow. "How is Evan going to get back to your apartment?"

"Eleanor agreed to take him," Louis said as he shrugged his shoulders. "She's used to taking strange men to my apartment for me."

Harry furrowed his brow but before he could ask anything Louis continued.

"She helps me have hook ups with men so no one could possibly find out and try to ruin my career. I mean who knew it's 2013 and you still can't be out and gay much in Hollywood," he spoke sounding a bit sad as well as angry and all Harry could do was stare at him.

Hearing Louis say he was gay wasn't what Harry had expected at all. Harry had swore that Louis had been straight most of their lives..except the time with him. He had always seemed to love girls.

"You aren't gay," Harry muttered almost feeling like Louis was just stringing him along. Trying to get a joke over on him.

Louis let out a tiny laugh at Harry's words, "I think I would know if I was gay and I'm very gay Harold," he spoke with a tiny laugh. "Hell you of all people should know how gay I am. I mean we had sex once."

"You were just drunk," Harry reminded him knowing that had to be all there was to it. "It meant nothing to you. You said we'd forget it and move on. You like girls...you dated Hannah...you're probably dating Eleanor."

"No, no, no," Louis said as he shook his head a look of distaste on his face. "I'm not dating Eleanor. She's a lovely girl but just no," he sighed as he shook his head. "As for Hannah, she's the only girl I've dated because I think I realized or I always knew I was gay..always knew I loved you anyway," he admitted as he looked away from Harry, a hand running through his hair. "But always been too chickenshit to do anything. That and I know with my plans I can't give you what you want..what you've always wanted."

Harry fell silent at that, taking in Louis' words and he almost wanted to faint but luckily he was able to keep standing and not fall over. "Y..you knew I liked you?" he asked finally hating the way his voice got caught in his throat slightly.

"Kind of hard not too," Louis revealed with a tiny smile. "You looked at me like I was the sun," he said as his smile grew. "Still kind of do actually even though you have Evan."

At the mention of Evan, Harry looked down feeling ashamed of himself for what happened at the tattoo parlor. "I can't get matching tattoos with him," he frowned as he shook his head. "Especially not the anchor and rope. Not when all I see is you with the rope and me with the anchor because you are the only person I want to anchor down."

"I didn't want to see you with that tattoo either," Louis admitted though he didn't sound sad. In fact he had a smile on his face again that reached his eyes and Harry was sure he was looking at Louis like he was the sun because in moments like this Harry was convinced he was. "I could so vividly see you with the anchor though and me with the rope because I...you anchor me down. You always have. I'm the compass to your ship and you're the anchor to my rope and the hi to my oops."

Listening to Louis, Harry felt himself grin now, a dimple popping out as he did so. "Let's get the tattoos then Louis," he said before stopping himself. "You and me. Let's get the rope and anchor."

After he asked that he watched as Louis froze some, probably not sure if Harry was speaking properly but he eventually nodded his head before holding his hand out to Harry and Harry took it, grinning a bit more as Louis walked them back down the path to the tattoo parlor.

"Hey H," Louis spoke which made Harry turn to look at him. "Marry me one day, yeah?" he asked as they locked eyes.

Harry didn't even have to pause after Louis asked that, the words coming out naturally, "Yes, of course, always."

It was after he said them that he felt Louis squeeze his hand and he got the distinct feeling that things had changed between them and he didn't know if it was good or bad but he didn't want too contemplate on them right now. Just like he didn't want to contemplate what would happen with Evan once Evan saw the tattoo he had with Louis or even what the change between him and Louis meant for things between him and Evan.


	4. August 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I don't know if I can believe you," he admitted as a frown played on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a bit of a wait. I got semi blocked and so I hope this chapter is good and that you all like it.
> 
> If you do read a comment or kudos would be nice. I love everyone who has read it thus far and I love everyone I have heard from who has read it thus far :).

August 2013

Harry chewed on his lip softly as he sat on the bed the next morning or well more like afternoon, after he and Louis got matching tattoos, watching as Evan just paced the room silently. Something he had been doing for the past hour now not that Harry had been counting really or well not that he had been trying to count but it was hard not too.

Louis was still in bed and he and Evan were the only ones up and ever since Evan had seen the tattoo and gotten the story out of Harry, how Louis had went after him while Eleanor was bringing Evan back to the apartment that somehow Louis and Harry had talked and agreed to get tattoos well Evan had been rendered silent.

Silent but pacing and Harry didn't like his pacing because he knew Evan was mad. Mad and giving him the silent treatment which was equally just as bad.

"Can you say something please Evan?" Harry finally asked breaking the silence in the room and making Evan stop pacing though his back remained to Harry so Harry couldn't see what his expression was.

"What do you want me to say Harry?" Evan asked at least breaking his silence. "Because I'm pretty sure if I talk right now we're both going to wind up not liking this conversation."

Harry heaved a tiny sigh at Evan's last words, "But maybe we need the conversation Ev, even if we don't like it," he said knowing that in the end they probably needed whatever conversation they would have.

After all Harry had felt last night with Louis and the tattoos and the revelations had changed things but he wasn't sure how much. Though he knew regardless that Evan didn't need to be in the middle of whatever was happening, so yeah maybe they needed the conversation that neither of them would so like well.

"I'm hurt that you wouldn't get a tattoo with me but got one so easily with Louis," Evan told him as he finally turned to face him and Harry felt like he had been punched in the stomach because Evan did look every bit as hurt as he said he was. "I'm hurt that you told him he was the only person you wanted to anchor down, even if it was the truth in that moment."

Harry bit his lip to keep from replying that it hadn't been true in just that moment. Harry would and probably had always wanted to anchor Louis. It was just a simple fact of his life and one he had slowly learned to accept, one he hadn't expected Louis to be okay with but well last night he had seemed okay with the admission and had even admitted he wanted Harry to anchor him.

"I'm sorry," Harry apologized as he looked up at Evan though he figured the apology was a bit too late nor would it soothe any wounds that Evan had.

Evan shook his head as he looked down at Harry, locking eyes with him, "I don't know if I can believe you," he admitted as a frown played on his lips. "Nor do I want to see you really right now. Think I'm going to look online and try to find a flight back to Tennessee."

Harry only nodded his head, knowing better than to try and change Evan's mind and so if Evan wanted to leave because he was angry and didn't want to see Harry then Harry wouldn't stop him or fight him on it.

"I'll let you know when I find something," Evan muttered before turning and leaving the room, obviously to go and get his lap top which was in the living room so that he could find a way to leave.

After he had left Harry just fell back on the bed and looked at the ceiling not sure where he stood with Evan or even really where he stood with Louis after last night.

All he knew though was so much had changed and a part of him knew some of the changes would be bad, though he really hoped the ones with Louis were good which probably made him an even more shitty boyfriend to Evan. Because then that had to mean all the bad changes would be with Evan..and maybe well maybe Evan deserved better than Harry who was realizing that he couldn't give him what he needed.

Not when what Harry needed it seemed was with Louis who Harry really hoped would give it too him even if he had said last night that he couldn't.  
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"How'd it go at the airport?" Louis' voice asked the minute Harry had stepped through the door after seeing Evan off on his five-thirty flight back to Tennessee. "Lover boy cry about saying goodbye?"

Harry rolled his eyes as he shut the door behind him before walking into the kitchen where Louis' voice had came from.

"No," Harry spoke as he leaned against the entry way, watching as Louis who was fixing dinner turned to face him. "Didn't figure he would since he's the one who chose to leave anyway," he sighed knowing he hadn't told Louis yet why Evan had left.

Though deep down Harry figured Louis knew. Louis was good at figuring things out, probably better than Harry if Harry hadn't known Louis was really truly gay until Louis had told him last night. So yeah, Louis probably already knew why Evan had opted to go back home and not stay with Harry for the remainder of the time that Harry was in California.

"But I'm the reason he left," Harry said as he watched Louis look away, putting his attention back on fixing the food on the stove. 

Louis just huffed at that loudly, "You aren't the reason he left," he sighed as he shook his head. "I mean I figured he left because of the tattoo thing but it's just a tattoo, not a life commitment, he could have found a way to get over that and not have to run off."

"It wasn't just the tattoo though," Harry explained as he moved from the entry way, going to the kitchen table and sitting down. "It was me telling him everything, right down to wanting to anchor you down and only you. Pretty sure that's what got him more upset then the fact that I couldn't get a tattoo with him but I got one with you."

Louis seemed to pause at that briefly as if he was thinking of what to say next.

"Then yeah, maybe he did need time away," Louis nodded before a silence filled the air between them and Harry wasn't sure if it was a good silence or a bad silence. But it was probably bad because he didn't like it or the weird feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

"D..do you think I shouldn't have told him everything?" Harry asked deciding to break the silence since he didn't like it.

"I didn't say that," Louis stated as he shook his head and he didn't turn to face Harry but there was something about his tone. Something with the way he was speaking. He may not have said it but he was thinking it.

"But you thought it," Harry stated out loud.

Heaving a sigh Louis finally turned to face Harry again, "I did think it," he confirmed with a nod of his head. "You probably ruined things with a boy who can give you what you want all because you told him you wanted to anchor down a boy who can't give you what you want or what you need."

"But you could try," Harry frowned at Louis' words. "You could try giving me what I wanted."

"I could try but I'd fail Harry," Louis said as he walked a bit closer to the table. "You know I can't be out, not yet anyway and you deserve someone who can love you openly and be so proud of you and..and I can't," he sighed as he bent down in front of Harry once he reached where he was sitting in the chair. "At least not yet anyway," he finished as his eyes landed on the tattoo on his wrist. 

The rope tattoo that went with Harry's anchor. The tattoo Louis had willingly got because Harry knew deep down no matter what Louis was saying right now that he did want Harry to anchor him down and he did want to give Harry everything he wanted.

"So what, you're saying I should have just lied to Evan and pretended like last night was nothing?" Harry asked which made Louis look back at him. "Is that what you're going to do?"

Louis shook his head no as a sad smile played on his lips, "No," he said quickly, way too quickly and at least then Harry knew that Louis was being honest. "Hard to forget last night and finally telling you I'm gay and that I want you to anchor me down one day," he said with a little laugh, trying to ease the tension in the room. "Just not today..or tomorrow or this year," he spoke with a shake of his head. "So you do need to try to fix things with Evan when you go back to Tennessee, especially if you want to be happy for now...until I'm ready and can give you what you need and want."

At Louis' words Harry had to bite his lip because in all honesty he'd probably never be happy until he had Louis but instead he only nodded his head, knowing in the end he probably wouldn't fix things with Evan because Evan didn't deserve to be used until Louis could be what Harry needed.

So instead he'd just wait by himself and try to be happy alone, with his friends and family back home.

"Good," Louis smiled obviously believing it when Harry nodded his head. "Just promise me one thing Harry?" he asked as he stood up and made his way back to the stove.

"What?" Harry asked a bit curiously.

"Marry me one day, yeah?" Louis asked and all tension in the room seemed to evaporate because Louis sounded like he was smiling and he probably was and how could anything be bad when Louis, the literal sunshine in Harry's eyes smiled.

"Yes, of course, always," Harry stated, saying the words that were all too familiar whenever Louis asked the marriage question.

Words that Harry meant and probably always would each time Louis asked him, because Harry truly would marry him one day and he'd always say yes whenever Louis asked and he'd hope one day that Louis meant it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to talk with me either about this fic or even just One Direction hit me up at wendydarlingfics.tumblr.com I am always up for talking :).


	5. October 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I don't get how. Especially when Lottie proclaimed all the signs were fucking there. Her words not mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man this chapter took forever to even get written. I had a bad case of writer's block. There is some parts of this I am not too fond over but it is what it is. This chapter is also the one time Louis' doesn't propose because of course I wanted to not be predictable and save it for last ;).

October 2015

Harry nervously looked at Louis as they sat on the couch in his living room. Most of Louis' family piled in the living room too because Louis had flown them all out to Los Angeles.

Wanted them to watch his first big televised interview on a news station. An interview done by Diane Sawyer and one that had just ended. Leaving most of the people in the room stunned because in the interview Louis had came out to the world as gay.

A fact that Harry had known for ages now and one he knew Louis had been planning to do because of course Louis had texted him months ago when he had first scored the interview. Told Harry that he finally planned to do it. Finally planned to come out to the world.

Harry of course had been supportive through the whole thing in the months leading up to the actual interview and then of course also in what had seemed like the long months leading up to it airing.

Always there to listen when Louis vented even if Harry was living in Nashville now and there was a time zone difference. Because still after all these years Harry was pathetically gone for Louis, still one day hoped to anchor him down.

Even if he was afraid it wouldn't happen. Though Louis was out now and he could give Harry what Harry wanted. Could give him all of himself and not have to hide anything.

Hearing Louis' mother mutter something about how she had never known, never suspected that her own son was gay. Harry couldn't help the smirk because he didn't see how anyone could have missed it.

But he also used that as his cue to leave the room, standing from the couch he slowly slipped outside to Louis' balcony. Just wanting to catch his breath as well as maybe get lost in his wishful thoughts.

Thoughts of Louis finally giving him what he wanted which in the end was simply him.

Harry just wanted Louis' love. Was tired of the meaningless one night stands he had, had since his break up with Evan, four months after the matching tattoos with Louis.

Evan finally admitting to himself and Harry that he couldn't fight for something that it was obvious Harry didn't want. Something Harry knew he'd never want with anyone else but Louis.

So after Evan he had just went to one night stands, not wanting to lead anyone on. Make them think Harry could give them something that he couldn't. Not when his heart belonged to a man who sometimes he felt he'd be constantly waiting on to pick him and settle down with him.

He'd forever be waiting on Louis to actually make good on all those fake proposals he gave to him.

Proposals that maybe had Harry pathetically planning their future wedding already too. Knowing deep down it may never come but dreams never hurt anyone did they?

Harry didn't believe so anyway.

"Was wondering where you creeped off too," Louis' voice sounded and Harry turned his head. Seeing Louis step fully out on his balcony as he shut the sliding glass door behind him. Harry feeling his cheeks getting hot as well as wondering just how long he'd been standing out here. "And why?"

"I just wanted to give you some time with your family," Harry explained as he shrugged his shoulders. Going to sit down in one of the chairs Louis had out here. "I know how nerve wrecking it was when I came out to my own and I know it was better explaining things when no one else was there."

Louis only nodded his head as he moved to sit down in the chair beside Harry. "My mom still swears she never knew," he laughed before running a hand through his fringe. "I don't get how. Especially when Lottie proclaimed all the signs were fucking there. Her words not mine."

Harry laughed loudly at that because it was just like Lottie to say something like that.

"Well she wasn't lying," Harry agreed with a shrug of his shoulders. His words seeming to make Louis smile just a bit wider.

An action that did things to Harry of the butterfly sorts because Louis when he smiled still had the ability to light up like the fucking sun. Something that had always made Harry weak.

"No, I guess she wasn't," Louis said before things fell silent between Harry and Louis.

Harry not sure if he liked the silence but he wasn't sure if he should be the first to break it or if he should let Louis. After all it seemed that maybe it was Louis who had something he wanted to say. He was the one who had came looking for Harry in the end, not the other way around.

"Do you have to go back to your hotel room?" Louis finally asked breaking the silence. "C..can you stay here or is there you know someone waiting for you?" he questioned sounding almost nervous for whatever Harry would say.

Like he was afraid maybe like the last time Harry was in California that he had brought a boyfriend with him.

Harry shook his head, "There is no one waiting on me so I can stay," he answered as he smiled slowly. "But will I be made to sleep in the guest room all by my lonesome?"

Louis laughed at that, an almost true belly laugh. "No, you can sleep in my bed with me," he offered so plainly and his words made Harry's own smile grow.

It had been so long since he was in a bed with Louis. Maybe the last time having been when they had sex but then again Harry's mind was tricky but he knew it had been awhile and he missed it.

Missed the simple closeness of Louis. Miss just being beside him and knowing in ways he was complete almost.

"Then I think I can stay," Harry told him and again his words made Louis light up like the sun.

The butterflies once again coming to Harry's stomach because he'd do anything as long as Louis stayed that happy. As long as Louis always lit up like the sun.

Louis just continued to smile at that before things fell silent for a bit. Though neither broke the silence by words. Instead Louis broke it by eventually going back inside to his family and Harry stayed out on the balcony a bit longer.

His butterflies only growing except now it wasn't because of Louis' smile. It was because of the prospect of sharing a bed with him.

They hadn't properly shared a bed since they had sex years ago. Which Harry couldn't help but go to that night and of course how naive he had been but even if he hadn't landed Louis right then, still didn't have him now he didn't regret it.

Would have never regretted anything Louis related and maybe some twisted part of him who wanted Louis' affection kind of hoped they had sex again tonight.

But Harry was afraid that was wishful thinking because maybe Louis didn't even find him sexually attractive anymore or despite being each other's rope and anchor maybe they just weren't meant to have sex again. Where never meant to go through with all those damn playful proposals.

Shaking his head Harry only sighed refusing to think like that. After all Louis had asked him to stay for a reason even wanted him in the same bed with him. Hopefully it was for a good reason.  
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Later that night as he laid beside Louis in Louis' bed. Curled under Louis' arm because of course he was the little spoon Harry turned to face Louis.

"Lou?" Harry asked softly. "Are you asleep?" he questioned though he doubted Louis was asleep. His breathing didn't sound even like Harry knew it got when he slept.

A fact that he only knew after so many years of friendship and sharing rooms with Louis.

"I'm trying to be," Louis told him as he opened his eyes to look at Harry. "What's on your brain curly?" he asked not even sounding angry that Harry had delayed his sleep.

Harry wondering if there was anything he could ever do that would make Louis angry at him. He was sure there was he just hadn't found out what it was yet.

"Now that you're out will you marry me?" Harry asked deciding for once to use Louis' own words against him. "Like properly marry me. Not one of those fake engagements you always give to me whenever you think of it, trying to be all cute."

Louis paused at that, blinking several times and Harry almost wanted to laugh at how much he resembled a deer in the headlights right now.

"We're not even dating though dear," Louis finally spoke though a smile appeared on his lips not long after he said it. "If you wanted to ask me to date you, you didn't have to ask for my hand in marriage Harry."

Blushing Harry only sighed, "Shut up," he spoke as he had to look away from Louis not sure where his bold move had came from but he could feel it leaving him just as fast.

"Fine, fine," Louis laughed as he scooted a bit closer to Harry. "But yes, of course, always I will marry you Harry properly. Once we start dating that is," he told him and his words were enough to make Harry look at him again.

Harry's blush growing and now he was probably the one who resembled a deer in the headlights.

"Really?" Harry asked his voice going soft. "I mean you'll marry...I mean date me."

Louis laughed again as he nodded his head, "I'll date and then marry you one day. Now just kiss me already you damned fool," he spoke through his laughter and of course Harry didn't have to be told twice.

He closed the gap between him and Louis and kissed Louis with a passion he was sure he hadn't used on any of his one night stands or even Evan. Louis quickly responding back and just the way he kissed him back Harry knew that yeah they'd be having sex again.

Before the night was done he'd finally have Louis again sexually but even that didn't matter. What mattered to Harry was that he had Louis finally as his own. He was finally dating the boy he had loved forever.


	6. June 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Did you just laugh?" Louis mused as he pulled away from the kiss.

June 2017

"Marry me," Louis spoke as he walked behind Harry into their hotel room. Both men still wearing their tuxedos or well half of them anyway. Harry had on just a white button down and the suit pants and Louis was wearing his jacket ad button down shirt, his too tight pants also still on. "Spend the rest of your life with me."

Harry laughed as he stopped mid way to the bed. Turning to look back at Louis. "Last I checked Louis we're already married," he smiled as he held up his hand showing off the ring that was on his finger.

The wedding band Louis had slipped on his finger just this afternoon in front of their friends and family. Finally making good on all those fake proposals as well as the real one he had done in February of last year on Harry's birthday.

After only months of dating but sometimes when you knew you just knew. Harry and Louis had of course always known even if maybe it had taken Louis a little longer to admit it to himself.

Longer than Harry would have liked yet here they were now. Happily married and about to leave for their honeymoon tomorrow.

Going to Hawaii first which was probably cliche but then after Hawaii Louis had promised Harry a month in France before they had to go back to California. Louis starting work on a movie not long after they came back. Some movie where he was supposed to be play a vampire.

"I know," Louis sighed with a shake of his head as he walked to where Harry was. "I just want to hear you agree one last time," he pouted as he slipped his arm around Harry's waist. "So marry me. Please?"

Rolling his eyes playfully Harry leaned into Louis after his arms were on his waist. "Yes, of course, always. I will marry you," he smiled before leaning in to kiss Louis softly.

The kiss though didn't stay soft or chaste for long though. It soon turned more frantic especially as Louis began leading Harry the rest of the way to the bed.

Harry letting out a tiny giggle as they both fell back against it once there.

"Did you just laugh?" Louis mused as he pulled away from the kiss. His eyebrows raised slightly.

Blushing Harry nodded his head. "Just reminded me of teenage you is all. All eager to get in my pants," he told him as they locked eyes. Green on blue.

"I'd like to remind you, you only slept with teen me once," Louis chided as he leaned down to briefly kiss Harry. His hands moving to undo the white button down shirt Harry had on.

The jacket to his tux had gotten abandoned somewhere in the reception hall and Harry hadn't had the mind enough to find it before leaving.

"That doesn't mean I was always an over eager teen. I actually preferred taking my time back then," Louis continued after Harry's shirt was all the way undone.

"Except with me," Harry retorted as he leaned up some. Shrugging out of his shirt as he looked up at Louis. "What made me so different?" he questioned before pulling Louis down into a hungry kiss.

Louis not answering but instead kissing him back. Though Louis didn't have to answer if Harry were being honest.

Harry had his own selfish reasons made up for why Louis had been eager with him. Because he had always wanted Harry and Harry had been there drunk and willing and Louis had chosen to give in to wants.

Wants he had been afraid of giving into because of course even back then teen Louis knew he wasn't ready to give Harry what he wanted or needed. The things now Louis could and would give to him.

Kissing Louis deeper, Harry let out a moan as Louis' hand had somehow made it's way inside the suit pants he had on. His eyes falling shut as Louis let his hand wrap around Harry's cock, stroking him to full hardness.

Harry's hips jerking up every so often to fuck himself in Louis' hand. Needing and wanting friction. Just wanting his husband actually and god did it feel weird to call Louis his husband now.

Though it also felt right. Like it was meant to be. Him and Louis married forever.

Letting out a tiny whine when Louis removed his hand, Harry just watched as Louis moved away from him. A playful glint in his eyes.

"Just want to get you fully naked," Louis told him before moving to undo his suit pants. Pushing them down along with his underwear. Leaving Harry completely naked underneath Louis.

Which Harry thought wasn't fair since Louis was completely dressed still.

"Don't you think this is a bit unfair?" Harry questioned as his eyes scanned over Louis. "Me naked and you dressed."

Louis chuckled as he looked down to survey himself. "Maybe so but I really can't wait to suck your cock," he muttered as his voice went low and seductive as he moved his way down Harry's body. Coming to rest between his legs.

"Don't you want me sucking your cock Harry?" Louis whispered as he let his hand wrap back around Harry's cock. Stroking him again but going slower this time.

All Harry could do was moan at that as his eyes fell shut again. His hips arching up at Louis' touch and fuck he did want that.

He pathetically wanted Louis' warm, wet mouth around his very aching cock.

"I didn't hear you," Louis spoke in Harry's silence. "Do you want me sucking your cock Harold?" he asked sounding a bit sarcastic but oh so seductive.

Nodding his head Harry opened his eyes to look down at Louis, "Please," he muttered out his voice so full of wanting. "Suck my cock Louis."

Louis smirked deviously at that before leaning in and finally taking Harry into his mouth. His hands soon falling off Harry as he used his mouth to do the work his hands had been doing moments ago.

Harry just watching his husband as Louis' head bobbed up and down. His toes curling some the deeper he went into Louis' mouth.

His hips lifting up every so often because what fun was it if he didn't at least try to fuck Louis' mouth every so often.

Louis did have a lovely mouth and Harry thought it was a crime when it didn't get fucked properly. Which it usually didn't because Louis usually took charge in the bedroom and of course Harry let him.

Harry always let Louis do whatever he wanted. Would probably be that way forever now that they were married. He'd bend to Louis' will because Louis was his sun, moon, and earth. His whole god damn universe if he was being honest with himself.

"Lou," Harry whined out as his head fell back against the bed. "I'm going to come soon," he warned in case Louis didn't want him to reach his end just yet.

But Louis must not have cared because he just kept sucking. His mouth moving a bit faster now that he knew just how close Harry was.

Letting his eyes fall shut again Harry's head fell back as he came. A loud moan escaping his lips and not once did Louis move away from him.

Not until Harry had finished. Then he moved away with a pop and Harry opened his eyes to look down at his husband.

"I think it's time I returned the favor," Harry told him with a smile before leaning down to kiss him briefly. "I mean if you want me sucking your cock."

Louis laughed loudly as he nodded his head after he moved away from the kiss. "I would love nothing more dear."

Harry returned the smile. Knowing he would love nothing more either. He was so eager and willing to get down on his knees and suck his husband's cock.

Make Louis happy and get him off at the same time.  
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Lying awake later that night in bed Harry just smiled to himself as he watched Louis sleep beside him and for the first time since realizing that he loved Louis...was in love with him well Harry felt content.

Happy and content and he couldn't wait to start their forever after today. Start the things they always wanted like buying a house together because Louis' apartment was too small for the both of them. Also they could finally one day down the line have a baby.

Either by surrogate or adoption. They hadn't really decided which but they both knew they wanted children together at some point.

Maybe Harry could even talk Louis into getting a dog if he asked nice enough.

"You know it's not nice to stare at someone when they sleep," Louis mused as he popped one eye open. "Any reason you aren't asleep yet my lovely husband?"

"Just thinking," Harry shrugged. "Thinking of our life together and all the things we can finally do."

Louis smiled fondly at that, "Oh yeah and what's the first thing you want to do?"

"Get another matching tattoo with you," Harry smirked as he cuddled into Louis finally. "Because the rope and anchor and our wedding bands aren't enough."

"Of course they aren't Harry," Louis muttered playfully as he pulled Harry closer. Harry's eyes falling shut. "And just what should we get this time."

"I was thinking a boat and a compass," Harry suggested softly. "If that's okay with you."

Louis only hummed his agreement at that before stifling a yawn, "Anything for you love," he told him and Harry couldn't help but smirk more.

Loving that just like he'd do anything for Louis, Louis would do anything for him too and Harry really was the luckiest person alive right now.


	7. Soundtrack

 

  1. Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
  2. 18 by One Direction
  3. Will You Love Me Tomorrow by The Shirelles
  4. Come Away With Me by Norah Jones
  5. Sleeping With A Friend by Neon Trees
  6. Back To Me by A Thousand Horses
  7. My Winding Wheel by Ryan Adams
  8. Somebody Else by The 1975
  9. Friends by Ed Sheeran
  10. Feel This by Bethany Joy Galeotti
  11. Marry You by Bruno Mars
  12. Change Your Ticket by One Direction
  13. It Is What It Is by Lifehouse
  14. Half a Heart by One Direction
  15. Make You Feel My Love by Adele
  16. Marry Me by Train




End file.
